Not Just a Weapon
by GlueTube365
Summary: After a few embarrassing events, André ends up joining forces with Razorbeard, who has a new kind of weapon...  Artefacts from films!  When this new threat manages to capture several of Rayman's friends, Rayman must work hard in order to defeat it.


**A/N: Well, now that my break of just sitting down and doing nothing, it's time that I got back to work! This time, I decide to do something slightly different to my last story, and to show my love for movies. Here goes!**

**DISCLAMER: I do not own any of the things that are in this, or any of my stories. If you think that I do, then you should be shot. I am really ashamed of you. You make me sick. It's people like you who make YouTube's Beta Channels mandatory. Now, go sit in the corner, and think about what you've done.**

**OH MY GOD! Sorry! I did not mean that! It was just a really bad joke! You can put the gun down, now.**

**Not Just a Weapon**

Chapter 1

A Little Backstory

It's not the greatest job of all, being a supervillain.

Sure you had a vast amount of technology and you could get away with things you wouldn't usually do otherwise, but, when you came right down to it, you always lost. There was always some annoying person who would try to fight you and end up defeating you. You could have the greatest inventor, with the greatest blueprints, building the greatest weapon, but there will always be some little bugger who goes and ruins it, and then all that research, money, resources and the like go down the toilet. And the people, the loyal workers who build you the stuff you need (and the occasional cleaning of the offices); there's more in it for them than just promising them a seat of power. They need something real.

This was exactly what was going through the once-powerful Lord of the Dark Lums as he was sweeping the floors of the Pirate Prison Ship Construction Site. Time, of course, had not been kind to André throughout the years. He had been living quite happily as a Red Lum back in his day, until a terrible misunderstanding involving two hands and shadow puppets terrified him until the amount of negative thoughts in his head overpowered the positive thoughts and consumed him, turning him into a Black Lum, and making him bent on Global Domination.

I don't care what sense this makes, I'm only translating a Wikipedia Article into my own words.

Unfortunately for André, his plans were- you guessed it- thwarted be a strange-looking creature with no limbs, legs or neck of any sort. This creature successfully managed to ruin his plan, destroy his most powerful 'henchman' and turn him back into a Red Lum.

However, having experienced an uncontrollable anger and vengeance, André managed to turn himself back into a Black Lum, and forever swore his revenge against Rayman and his friends, and all that other clichéd stuff.

After his embarrassing protests against the Grand Minimus- the King of all Teensies (you'll find out about them later in this Fanfic) - André decided to search other continents for help, and eventually, after his extreme hunger and sweet tooth got the better of him, he had found the abandoned secret base of Mister Dark in Candy Château. To André's fortune, Mister Dark had forgotten to change postal messages to his new location, where he was taking a nice Holiday but that is another story.

André quickly looked through Mister Dark's letters, and among the bills, eviction notices, hatemail and marriage requests he had found the letter that would change his life forever. It read as follows:

DEAR BENJAMIN THOMAS DARK

MY NAME IS ADMIRAL RAZORBEARD AND I AM WRITING TO YOU WITH THE KNOWLAGE THAT YOU HAVE A DEEP VENGANCE AGAINST RAYMAN. I OWN A PRISON SHIP CAPABLE OF DESTROYING ENTIRE CITIES, WHICH ALSO HAS THE STORAGE CAPACITY TO CUSTODISE AN ENTIRE CONTENENT'S POPULATION OF SLAVES. AS WELL AS THAT, I HAVE VARIOUS WEAPONS WHICH MAY INTEREST YOU. IF YOU WISH TO JOIN ME, SIMPLY MEET ME AT THIS ADDRESS:

I LOOK FORWARD TO NEGOTIATIONS.

YOURS SINCERELY

ADMIARAL RAZORBEARD

André could hardly believe his luck. He hurried over to the address location as far as his wings could carry him, until he reached what looked like a huge, metal dome with a square sticking out of it. André approached the square, and a small area opened up to reveal pair of lights which he guessed was supposed to be eyes. Then, the creature who's 'eyes' they belonged to spoke.

"Who are you? State your name and your business." The creature spoke in a robotic voice.

"Um...well, I read your letter." André replied.

"Okay, then please tell me how much you want to invest in the Prison Ship Programme."

"No no no no no! You don't understand! I've come to join you!"

"We get this a lot. We are not taking new employees today."

"But you sent me a letter- or you sent Mr. Dark a letter, anyways."

"A letter?"

"Yes. You sent one to Candy Château. Do you not recall?"

The creature which André guessed was a robot then paused for a second, and then spoke again to André.

"Sorry, sir, but according to the postal archives, that letter was sent five years ago and was never replied to."

"What?"

"Well, this letter had no replies. Caused the boss a lot of troubles, it did. I am sorry, sir, but you will have to leave. It's lunchtime in two minutes."

Well, that was the last straw for André. He had travelled his great black ass off getting there and now he was being asked to leave.

"Now, you look here, you mechanical monstrosity! I am going in there to join you and your boss and not you, nor will your hunger desperation prevent it!" He shouted at the robot.

The robot, however, became rather offended by what André had said.

"Be careful, mate." It said with a warning tone. "One more meltdown like that and I'll have you being forced to work for us faster than you can say 'I quit!'"

Suddenly, André had an idea. If he was a cartoon character, a light bulb would have turned on above his head.

"Oh shut up, you great big softie! I'd bet you wouldn't hurt a fly!" André said to the robot.

The robot, however, became quite upset by this remark and burst into tears of oil, before running off.

So, the rest of the story was pretty standard stuff. The robot told his boss Razorbeard, André convinced him of his lust for vengeance against Rayman, but, however, instead of the two of them teaming up to destroy The Glade of Dreams, André was merely the floor scrubber, and was that for about three months.

During those three months, he cursed Rayman. He cursed whatever Rayman was created by. He cursed the magnificent moonbeams of the second summer solstice from which Rayman was created from. He cursed Globox, Rayman's best friend. He cursed the very air that Rayman and his friends breathe. He cursed the very food and drink that they eat and drink. He cursed the floor that they walked on. Put quite simply, he was very cross with Rayman.

However, all this anger and what not would soon pass and disappear eventually. Why? Because the plot says so, that's why!


End file.
